Prices In… Dubai (Location, Location, Location) Part II

So where was I… oh yes, I had just finished giving you an evaluation of the club “The York”. In this installment of “Prices In…” I will continue describing some of the other places in Dubai that you can make some horizontal tango-ing happen. And now to continue!

Club: The Cyclone

Guys, I hope you brought a little cash with you, because places like this make you realise that there is a God, and he is a little on the pricey side. There is a door charge (around 15$ U.S. last time I was there) but this is when the location comes into play: this loint is right behind a hospital! -As in a full blown Arabic version of the show E.R., with ambulances coming and going all night. There is also the added bonus of an ATM located in said hospital, so if you run out of money you can walk across the street and navigate the medicated halls of car accident victims and term pregnancies! No shit, the first time I had to go to the ATM while there I accidently walked into a room where a woman was giving birth. Thank whoever that it was an expat woman, because if it was an Arabic woman I probably would have spent the night in jail. Anyways, I digress.

As mentioned the place has a door charge, but after you get in you get a chance to see what you paid for. The place is somewhat dimly-lit, but there is plenty of neon to see by, and the dance floor (which is actually a seperate place cordoned off with railings and not just a “YOU DANCE HERE” area of the floor) is fairly large. Drinks are a little pricey, but you are paying for the ambiance, of which there is in considerable amounts. This is a big city club and it oozes that fact out of it pores. There are tables scattered all over the place, but tip number one on that; if you don’t get there early enough you are shit out of luck and WILL be standing, because this place gets PACKED. The thing is it is well worth even to stand, because if you want variety here is the place to be.

Nationalities: Here you get them ALL. You get:


Phils Hooker



Chinese (and fuck you I know this picture is in Vietnam, but it serves it’s purpose. You fucking naysay shitstain.)

Chinese hooker

-Which are the usual fare, but you also get some that I haven’t seen elsewhere. Here’s just a few that I know about:

Japanese, Half-breeds ( I personally had a half Czech / half Jordanian), Korean, and the ever elusive and extremely overpriced Moroccans, some of the most high-priced hookers in that entire country. Now here is the kicker – the women tend to clump together as per nationality, and even better, as per PRICE. The front door is roughly offset to the left of the center of the club, but when you walk in (if it is later in the night) you will see, from left to right, the Phillipinos, then the Chinese, then the Russians, then it gets a little mixed up as you get to the dance floor, but ends with the higest prices of all of the call girls. The best thing about this is it is like they have friggin price tags on them based on the area that they are in, which really helps with the negotiations. Also these girls are not like at the York; they will not swarm you but are a shitload more subtle, and also do NOT like being treated like whores. Your best bet is to go to the club thinking that it is like any normal club, except with a shitload more women

Now on to the evaluation!

9 p.m. 10 p.m.- forget it. “Wait, are you telling me that there are no working girls in the disco at this time?!?!?” -No, I am telling you that the girls that ARE there are not the ones that you want at all. You want a girl at 9 o’clock, go to the fucking York, you imaptient cock gobbler. I do list this time for a reason; it is the time to get to the place so that you can get a table. I would suggest pre-gaming  a little at the hotel bar prior to coming in so that you save a bit of cash.  Here is another little fact about the place: they actually serve a mean steak! Basicalyl I am saying that their kitchen is badass, and if you want a good meal, good drinks, and a good environment, this is definitely the place to be IF JUST FOR THAT ALONE. We are here for a different reason, so let’s get to it!

10 p.m. to 11:30 p.m. – $300-175 Yep, the prices I wrote are correct. Remember that bartering that I talked to you guys about in the last post abuot Dubai? Well I hope you brought your A-game because the chicks are some of the best and they know it, and to save money you are going to have to negotiate your ass off… but it is worth it. You MIGHT be able to hit the Asians up for a cheaper price, but me personally I start at the Russians and work up from there.

11:30 p.m. to 12:45 p.m. – $175-125 Now that you have made it to this point in the night you have eaten, hit the bar a couple of times (and not TOO many times, you need to be coherent at this point) and gotten some pretty good eye candy, this is the best time of the night to make your move. By now you should have at least gotten the lay of the land and picked which of the PLETHORA of women you want to take home. Get to it, my boy!

Any time after 12:45 p.m. – ???  You are still here? Well then get your ass to the York!

NOTE: This is one of the few places that the intoxication of the hooker plays into the equation. You keep slinging the chick some fruity cocktails and you will be going back to her place for virtually cab fare, but this is a pretty unpredictable variable. I have had it pay off a couple of times, but hey it’s up to you. Also DO NOT TRY THIS WITH THE RUSSIANS. The will, no matter what your nationality is, drink you under the fucking table like you just came off the tit.)

Well folks that’s it for this installment. Next week I will close out the “Prices In… Dubai” with a review of the club “Amnesia”, which I personally think is the only reason you need to go to Dubai. Fuck I love that place….


-Old Iron 


~ by Old Iron on April 1, 2008.

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