Cheating in Your Marriage….

Hi there Barslaves fans!  I hope everyone is well regardless of where in the world you are at this point.

Today I want to discuss with you some interesting things I have discovered throughout many many years of being a private investigator.  This is something I love to do is talk to people (clients) or whoever else about sex in relationships and how this ties in to my business.

In the words of Ron White, “Usually when you agree to marry someone, you do it at a point in the relationship when you’re having a lot of sex……..but when that person decides to stop having sex ALTOGETHER, well you find yourself in quite a pickle!”  Thus this topic.

I often have women come to me for my assistance in discovering if their husband is having an affair with someone else.  It could be cute little Susie next door, or sexy Cindy, the new intern at the office.  Once in a while it is Big Bad John, the queer around the corner you never knew.

Now, let’s take a look at what would cause a man to go astray.  Trust me, no man wakes up one morning and says to himself, ‘Gee, this piece of ass is getting a bit stale and old.  I sure would like some strange today.  And since I’m a glutton for punishment, I think I’ll go out and fuck around on my wife so she can divorce me and take everything I’ve worked my ass off for and then I’ll have the pleasure of paying her fatass alimoney and child support for the rest of my miserable life.’

Sorry to burst your bubble ladies, but it doesn’t happen that way.  Now, let’s take a look at what YOU did to either not please him, or push him away.  Note:  I am not condoning cheating in ANY way.  This is primarily to help people to understand WHY things happen to them that they might could have prevented.  Occasionally, there will be the guy that just happens to fall in love with someone else for whatever reason and it might not be the wife’s fault in whole, but it is in part because it takes TWO people to make a marraige work, not just one.  If your man is sexually unsatisfied and YOU have not tried to correct the problem and he goes elsewhere because you won’t put out, IT’S YOUR FUCKING FAULT HE FOUND ASS ELSEWHERE.

Let’s begin.

It doesn’t take a lot to make men happy.  But, the mind of a man works different than a woman in several ways.  For example, if a woman has a terrible day at the office and nothing has gone right all day, she just wants to go home and soak in a bubble bath after the kids are asleep and then she might want to read something relaxing and go to bed.  Men, on the other hand, can have a terrible day on the job but still keep that hope alive that the day might can be salvaged and the Mrs. might be able to make things all better with those magic hands or lips or whatever.  A man will want to turn the day around even if it’s at the end of the day.

A person might stray for several reasons:

1.  He/she feels unappreciated.

2.  He/she is constantly told they are good for nothing except being a good provider.

3.  He/she doesn’t get enough time alone with a spouse.

4.  He/she feels neglected because the spouse spends all their engeries on children and family and does not provide them with enough attention.

5.  He/she repeatedly feels pushed away.

6.  He has to ask for sex all the time, and when he gets it she just lays there until he’s done. (Dead fish syndrome)

7.  There is no more date night.

8.  All he/she does is argue with his spouse because he is not getting what he/she needs from them.

9.  Spouse constantly complains about what he/she doesn’t do rather than praising him for efforts.

10.  His wife never shows interest in sex and never initiates the process.

11.  He is secretly gay.  (Don’t laugh.  I had a case where this was true and did happen.)

12.  His spouse will not spend time doing what he wants every once in a while instead of her choosing all the time.


The list goes on and on.  If there is a breakdown in communication in the marraige and he can’t conversate with you about issues that are arising, i.e. the mortgage is going to be late this month, he is likely to seek out advice from another female who he does respect.  A MAN WILL NOT STRAY IF HE IS GETTING WHAT HE NEEDS OUT OF A RELATIONSHIP.  If you are selfish, rude, a golddigger, pre-occupied, uninterested, argumentative, or any of the above reasons apply to you; your man might just be seeing someone else.  Don’t get mad if that’s the case.  If you really loved this man and wanted to be with him in the first place, you would have continued to make the effort to keep his interest in you peaked and keep him coming back for more.  Chances are he did come back for more and you ignored him or put other priorities in front of him and he went and found someone who would put him close to the top of their list instead of at the bottom where he wound up on yours.  Always remember ladies, if you don’t take care of your homework, someone else will.

Gentlemen, it’s your turn.

A woman does not want to talk to you over the television.  Turn it off, pause it, mute it, do something to let her know that you are paying attention to what she has to say.  “Uh-huh.  Sure honey.  Okay.”, just don’t cut it these days.

The same rules above apply to you too.  You can’t push her away and just expect her to be hot and ready for you any time you want some ass.  It just don’t work that way.  It would be really cool if it did.

If a woman feels you don’t care about her, or she is on your priority list next to Doritos and football, she might just start looking around for a new dick to ride. 

Although it is funny as hell to us, a woman does not like to be put into a Dutch Oven or Hot Boxed.  Grow some manners.  (Unless she is really cool and does it to you first, I don’t recommend doing something to her that involves your ass gas and enclosed spaces.)

Pay your bills together.  She needs to know all about the finances and probably wants to help out if she can.

One thing I must say before we close……  If you go out and work your ass off to pay bills and don’t spend any time with her, she will cheat.  It don’t matter to her that you work 10-16 hour days six or seven days per week.  She will begin to feel lonely and sad.  Then if she addresses the problem with you and you don’t do anything about it, she will fuck someone else.  It happens all the time.  As long as she can go shopping with all that money you’re making while you are gone to work and she has a place to stay, she can fuck around on you all the time as long as she is around when you get home from work.

Also, guys, and gals both, you are what you associate with.  If your wife has a best friend that is a fucking whore who cheats on her husband, odds are she is doing it too especially if she justifies it by saying something along the lines of ‘he deserves it’ or ‘he never spends any time with her anyway, so what is she supposed to do?’ or if your wife thinks the behavior is funny or justified in ANY way, shape or form, this should throw up MAJOR red flags.

If a guy has a friend who always fucks around on his wife and the friend can justifiy it by saying ‘My wife’s a bitch.  All she does is bitch and moan and complain…’ or something like ‘My wife don’t do shit but spend my money…’ or anything else similar, take heed. 

Men are like dogs.  They will be loyal to you to the end.  They will be glad to see you when you come home, and all they need is some petting on and unconditional love and they will be by your side forever.  However, if you don’t supply them with what they need, they will go look for another place to feel loved.

Women are like cats.  They are graceful, beautiful, and soft.  They can take or leave your company.  They only want to be petted on when they want it.  Otherwise, leave them the fuck alone.

Remember ladies and gentlemen, if you don’t take care of your homework, someone else will.

-Mr. Diplomacy

~ by mrdiplomacy on April 29, 2008.

5 Responses to “Cheating in Your Marriage….”

  1. Bitter?


  2. Not bitter, just want to help people as much as possible by giving them insight into what I’ve learned through years of experience in the PI industry.

  3. S’long as it’s a tips post:

    – Nurture your mutual interests. Do things together. If you get to the point where he does his thing, and she does her thing, and that’s about it, you’ve reached the point where you are business partners/roommates who occasionally screw each other, and odds-on, the last time you screw each other will be in Court. (With your respective lawyers laughing all the way to the bank.)

    – Keep your paranoia in check. In a long relationship, chances are good that your spouse will encounter some PYT (or equivalent) who is looking to notch his/her belt in some fashion. If your spouse doesn’t feel that the matter can be discusses, with you on _their_ side, the odds of Something Bad Happening go _way_ up. To put it in the male perspecive, if some attractive gal is making eyes at him, and he doesn’t feel that he can talk to you about it, _the affair has begun_, because the first step of an affair is always Secrecy. And it isn’t “all his fault”, either. Once that line has been crossed, the next line becomes easier, and so on. So don’t panic if he raises the issue honestly (as opposed to manipulativly – that’s a Red Flag). That is a good sign, and gives you a chance to fix the problem before it happens, and puts you on his side. Freaking out, or getting nasty will have the opposite effect.

    In support of previous point, talk about that possibility _before it happens_. Establish lines of communication on the subject so that when it does come up, your spouse _knows_ it’s OK to talk about it. Silence gives the outside affair instigator leverage. Take that advantage away. This has the added benefit of numerical superiority – two against one. Faced with those odds, the outsider is much more likely to move on to an easier target.
    This also builds mutual trust.

    I could go on, but the bottom line is this: the time to save your marriage is _before_ it’s in trouble. If you hear your friends talking about problems in their marriages, talk with your spouse about how you both would deal with it,even – especially – if it isn’t an issue yet, because it could be in time. It’s a cheap way to learn from the mistakes of others.

    This isn’t a total drive-by, I’m bookmarking this page, and will check back in case others have questions, or want clarification.


    The Bookman

  4. Very interesting stuff there. I agree that you hit on many of the issues. I know our breakdown was I was the one supporting the family financially, caring for the kids and the house and didn’t have the energy for sex on demand. He saw that I wasn’t giving him attention, figured I was having an affair (when I still don’t know) and cried on his “friend”‘s shoulder. She wanted him for herself and she poured salt into the wounds. When I tried to work on saving it, he wasn’t interested and one person alone can’t save the marriage. Interestingly now that I’m not supporting him, he is realizing what all I did for him and the kids. In comparison to his girlfriend, I now look like I had been a saint (he tells me this).

    BTW, you have some damn funny posts and a twisted sense of humor. I’ll be lurking around!

  5. Lurk all you want, there is plenty of funny to go around.

    The Bar Slaves are here to help.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: