A conversation with Fred Phelps

Fred.

We need to talk.

You have been a busy little boy these past few years, and we need to talk about your latest little stunt that you are planning.

Now don’t get me wrong, I get a huge kick out of your methods of spreading my Word to the masses, and that gay thing? -Brilliant. Give ‘em what for I say.

But we gotta have a little chat about THIS plan of yours. I know I know, we usually don’t talk about your PR stunts and I pretty much let you do what you need to win over more converts for me, but protesting Ronnie James Dio’s funeral? I really think that you might be getting a little overzealous concerning this one. I have protected you before by dissuading people that didn’t understand your message from torturing you in a dark room with live starving rats, but I don’t think that I can do that much for you this time.

You see, Dio and I go WAAAAY back. The man has done more for me in his 67 years of life than you could do in three life times, and has spread my message far and wide, not to mention the fact that he really does make some catchy tunes.

Freddy baby, take a pass on this one.

If you don’t you may be seeing me a little sooner than I had expected and I won’t have time to prepare for your arrival. I have something REALLY special in mind for you to thank you for all of the hard work you have done for me, and you wouldn’t want to miss out on it because you were in such a hurry to see me, would you?

-Glad we had this talk.

Toodles Freddy! Miss you baby!

Your mate,

Old Scratch

~ by Old Iron on May 22, 2010.

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