NEWS FLASH! -Boy George responds to BS and B’s Inflammatory Remarks (That were never made)

‘Ello mates, it’s me, Boy George! You may remember me from the lovely band Culture Club back in the Eighties, as well as other projects like my play that everyone loved and went to see because you LOVE ME. My band and I (mainly I) made some brilliant pop tunes that set the world on fire from the Discos of my beloved England to the powdery shores of the United States. We changed the bloody world almost overnight into a fantastically shiny thing with little cute tassles on it that could be used to heal all wounds and feed starving children, while simultaneously cooking a sensuous souffle that could turn lead into gold.

You may be asking yourself why such a gorgeous lad such as I that has had such an impact on every aspect of your daily lives would dote to comment on this trite little blog, and here’s the answer:

 

Because I hate you and everything that you represent, you cheeky fucktards. -All you ever talk about is “I like boobies” and “This girl is teh HOTNESS, she will be mine” and “Dude, I am so fucking drunk” and hookers. Oh, and not to mention what horrible atrocities you commit involving that poor little mongrel that Mr. Diplomacy owns. You people are the acidic venom that destroys the structures of love and peace that I have fought so hard to build out of candycanes on this planet.

-Fuck you all with post hole diggers you wanky bastards.

-Fuck you in your mouths, and not the cuddly way.

I even wrote a song about it; about how you need to be violated like I was when I was made to pick up litter for my community service because someone thought that they saw myself and another man in a public loo doing indecent things to each other, when all we were doing was checking each other for tumors to insure that we were both cancer free.

-With our mouths, because they are magically more sensitive to cancer detection than our hands.

So, without further adieu, here is the lovely ballad that I wrote to berate you and your twiddly little blog, as performed by the best part of the Culture Club… me.

Sloppy Site (That makes my Heart Ache with Pain Over it’s Very Existence)

-Ahem!- 

“Fuck you in your pantyholes

Your pretty pretty pantyholes

With things you find displeasing

not the things I like for teasing (teasing)

I hope you bury your sloppy Site

In a big fat pile of greasy crap

————-

I hope you pants are so uncomfortable

-Do be do be do be do-

And your little shafts are not so functional

-Do be do be do be do waaaaaah-

I make believe that you are my man

-do do do do be do-

And that I dropped a bowling ball in your cute little can

-Can can can!!!!!-

I see your puckered mouth make that sexy pucker

-suck suck suck it DOWN-

But to be honest… I LOVE YOU GUYS, YOU SILLY FUCKERS!!!!!!

I can’t quit you! Why do I suddenly have such overflowing desires for you, the members of BS and B?Why dear God above do you insist on allowing this forbidden love to exhist? But alas, I can’t change the direction of my heart. I want to be with all of you, in any way possible. Please, all I ask is that you allow me to love you. You don’t even have to love me back, just being there is all I require.

Sincerely,

 B. George

~ by Old Iron on March 29, 2008.